I Couldn’t Stop Crying

Hysterically crying, I sat on a hard, concrete platform as I leaned against the cold, outside wall of my company’s maroon-colored brick building. Thoughts and emotions poured through my mind and body as I watched puffs of white clouds moving gracefully in the pale blue sky. In the sight of such beauty, I felt POWERLESS.

Judging myself, I concluded I had absolutely no reason to cry and feel this way, that my hysteria was not warranted given the parameters that incited it. Yet I cried…and I cried harder.

After awhile, frustrated, tired, and feeling alone, I realized I could not will myself to stop my outburst. So, I allowed. I released all self-judgment and let go. I allowed myself to be who I needed to be in that moment, a human being who experiences thoughts and emotions about myself and all the situations around me.  Those thoughts and emotions range from self-judgment and expressions of crying to those of intense compassion and joy. All are a part of my human experience… and that is OK.

In my crying experience, I was not powerless as I originally thought. I was POWERFUL. Powerful in recognizing and honoring my humanism and realizing the luxury I am privileged with to feel and express despair. Powerful in letting go of self-judgment and allowing myself to fully experience my thoughts and emotions without fear.

Our thoughts, emotions and experiences not only give us the opportunity to appreciate all of what makes us who we are in the moment, but they also enable us to look more deeply within and get to know ourselves. In knowing ourselves, we develop knowledge, wisdom and understanding of our humanness and cultivate knowledge, wisdom and understanding of who we are beyond our humanness. To know thyself is the journey of the human experience, and it is in this journey, we find our peace.

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